realizations

Procrastination… putting my life on hold. My reasons? I don’t know. I am aware that if this will continue id still be here in 10 years. Same old me, only lonelier. What happened? Personal choices? Could be. Burnout? Nah. destiny? Maybe. I freakin don’t know! All I know is that I am bigger than this. Understimulated, a lil bit confused. It’s like an endless plateau. You could never go up or spiral down. Plain, steady, straight line.

How many times in a day I feel so damn bored. Or I am just plain lazy. Grazing the field, nourishing and when I get full I lay myself to doze off? I, for all these years, thought of myself as special. Oh geeez. Maybe I’m wrong … what makes it worse seeing my friends actually making it big. The green-eyed monster is taking me over….

Had to set my priorities straight. Got to diss all these negativities off my system. Do I equate material success to real success? A relative question maybe-- how would I want to die? Well I could work my butt off in a job i really hate, get sick, work my way to the top, get sad, buy all the comfort, get isolated, surround myself with posh friends, get tired of the high maintenance relationships, build a mansion and then die alone….. It’s really much of a choice. I could actually go for it, in oppose to dying eyes rolled-up of starvation. The first choice is a lil juicy, you think?

What I am doing with my life is live a little, work a little, have fun a little and then soon, die I little. Choice B is a little too tiring. For most of us, we’ve been poor all our lives. We just wanna have a life cut from what we’ve been used to. Personally, I dnt want a life of extravagance and luxury. Simple yet abundant with love. Less complications, less stress just enjoying God’s everyday bliss.

Goin back to my definition of success, after some minutes of thinking, material success could just be a slice of the whole pie. Being the best person I am created for, the best architect I intend myself to be (however under-compensated I maybe am…) the best son my parents taught me to be, the heartiest laugh my soul could ever burst, the cry, the sobs, the resilience after a painful struggle, bravery amid being fearful, the poetry just to capture a moment, my sighs and grunts, my impatience, my childishness, my child-likeness, my butterfly-chase, my tumbles and struts, my disappointments and my secret dreams, all my essence…. As long as I am sharing the core of me to the rest of the world-- the best of who I am------ living my best life......

..then I guess, I am a raving success.

i still think im special. dnt u?

new normal

So many things happening, crazy stuff we barely understand. The world just spins in a hazy guile. Some take life the way it is, but others (a speck in humankind…) fight their way to make a difference, just a tiny difference. How many people die everyday like a passing shadow—here today, gone tomorrow, gone too soon. No matter how we fret over our thinning hair or the soaring oil prices, it won’t change the fact that one day, we will die. One day, the perfect creation will soon fade away, rot and just be a dust in the wind, carried to where it blows—a vicious cycle comparable to the life we are living at the moment; an endless circle of doubts, despair, fear, hatred and senseless fussing over meager stuff.

Just like a dog chasing its tail, we are going nowhere. Always and the same, day in and day out, life seem gets pretty boring, to the point of wanting to slit each other’s throat (total psycho) just to get away from the rancorous routine. Some would just go cuckoo over the boob tube in a poorly lighted ‘cell’, fixated on the monitor 24/7 just to forget the painful experience he went through; empathizing with the characters he follows from a cartoon telenovela and then booom!—he realizes he missed a fraction of his life. Like a brainless moth that never learns until it gets burned, he then spends another fraction of his meaningless existence by living each day with regret, wishing if he could just turn back the hands of time. From all he went through(at least in his head), there no doubt he could develop psychosis, fearing that any day he could die from just going outside of his cave, with a life so so unfulfilled. Trapped again in a world of fear, he wastes again now one-third of his so-called crap life.

Fact of life 1: we could never relive the past (or at least in our head!). Whatever painful things happened are forever written in the sands of time. So could we just get the hell over with them? We are not our mistakes or even our achievements or our clothes, or our meddling mum, or our jobs, or our medals, or our painful past. We are just US! Plain and simple, we are living and breathing beings capable of great things and yes, of making mistakes; designed for glory but considered to fail. With so many gifts we are armed with, we are sure to survive in this senselessly-sweet la vida loca. Stripped with the things we accumulated and goods we identify ourselves with, we are demmie gods, tested by evolution for millions of years or thrown away from the Garden of Eden yet survived the plummet. We are designed to last. Our souls should seize to continue to eternity apart from this life; greater than angels and rulers of the earth. Can’t we see greatness from hostility?

We are never the same after we have gone thru the furnace. From all the pain we’ve been through, we have enough reasons to just cower and spend our life watching the boob tube. Thanks goodness God gave us the brownout, that way we are forced to get out from our dark dungeon to be with the light and finally claim our spot in His creation.

Yeah, we are never the same from all we’ve been thru.

And now it’s about time to find a “NEW NORMAL”.