i've been keeping mum about it, avoiding what seem to be inevitable. it feels like i'm already out of the picture. i didn't planned for this- i feel sorry for me. i should have made a back up plan. like an old adage say, life goes on. but reality bites.

i had been used to being alone. if i could learn the ropes again, i don't know.


all i have is myself...

go.

while everyone is saying yes, seems like i'm the only one from keeping you. i give it what's due you.

go.

alone again

after two years and i'm back.

life has not been easy for this year. everything was a challenge. shifting sands. the terrain is unfamiliar. new places, new people, new perspective, new life-- far-cry from my dark and poof -stench bedroom. the horizon offers promises, dawn of opportunities.

promises...
i flew in without hesitations because of promises. leaped into the unknown because someone promised to be there. for awhile.

back to step one, i am faced being left again. i just need to convince myself that it's ok. and i won't get in the way of reaching one's potential. no..maybe this time i can't. i am tired of imaginings. fuck all those daydreams, damn all those phone calls, shame on those letters. all those short vacations.

i was promised there are no longer goodbyes as i watched the van disappear... and i believed it.

slowly i am reaching heights. and guess, i just had to brave it by myself.

i'll be alone again--naturally.


maybe this time, i will no longer wait...